Maybe you should talk to someone: Finding a Therapist
Yesterday, we talked about talklines. Today, we're looking at longer-term support and how to find a therapist. Finding a therapist is hard. I see a therapist, I am training to be a therapist — I get it. But here is a four-step hopefully minimally painless process to find someone who can support you.
Step 1: What are you looking for?
There are lots of different kinds of therapists who do practice in lots of different ways. It might be helpful to do a little bit of research to figure out what kind of therapy you might be interested in doing.
Some things to think about:
Are you looking for something short-term and goal oriented? Are you looking for someone who will support you long term with goals that might shift and evolve as time passes?
Are you someone who likes thinking and learning more about your thoughts? Are you someone who likes mindfulness and learning more about how your feelings impact your body? Do you have specific behaviors you are trying to change?
Do you like more directive approaches when someone gives you an activity to try or a worksheet or do you like space to figure things out in your own way on your own timeline?
Do you want to see someone in an office or a virtual platform like Talkspace or Betterhelp?
Step 2: Who does what you are looking for?
In 2019, many therapists have some kind of online presence. That said, not all do. If you go on your health insurance website, you can usually get some kind of list of mental health professionals who take your insurance, these people may not be listed on other databases so if you are having trouble finding one through the other websites, this might be a good move.
For therapists that are searchable online, here are some of the places you might find them:
Psychology Today - you enter your zip code and from there you can filter by insurance, by modality (the kind of therapy they practice), and all kinds of other stuff.
Postpartum Support International has a section where you can find resources by state, including providers who specialize in perinatal mental health. You can contact a local coordinator, who can refer you to someone in your area.
There might also be resources specific to your state or your area that could help you connect with someone. Here in Massachusetts, we have Therapy Matcher. It’s run by the state organization for social workers. If you email or call and tell them what you are looking for in a provider, they offer personalized referrals to licensed clinical social workers.
You might want someone who shares a particular set of identities or who have training in particular kinds of cultural competencies. Note: Providers have to opt-in and sometimes pay to be listed in these databases. If you look and no one is listed for your area, try searching on Psychology Today or a local database.
Therapy for Black Girls has a therapist directory of providers who offer high quality, culturally competent services to Black women and girls.
Therapy for Black Men has a directory to help men of color in their search for a therapist.
Latinx Therapy has culturally-oriented, bilingual psychotherapists and mental health resources.
The National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network has a directory of QTPOC therapists.
The Institute for Muslim Mental Health maintains a directory of mental health resources for the Muslim community.
Rad Remedy has health resources for trans folks and a directory of lots of health professionals where you can search for mental health providers.
Step 3: Connecting with someone who does what you are looking for
When setting up appointments with providers, the first things you are trying to figure out are:
- If your schedules match up
- If they take your insurance - be sure to have your insurance card handy
- Can they give you what you are looking for
Some sample scripts
If you call a provider and they answer the phone, you can say something like:
"Hello, My name is XXX and I am looking to make an appointment."
The provider will then likely ask you a few questions before making an appointment and then you might work together to set up a time to meet. If the provider is full or does not have availability that works for you, you can try someone else.
If you call a provider and it goes to voicemail, you can say something like:
"Hello, My name is XXX and I am looking to make an appointment. I have XXX insurance and am most available on XXX days. Please call me at XXX. Thank you"
If you do not leave messages, providers will not call you back.
If you send an email to a providers or message them through Psychology Today, you can write something like:
"Hello, My name is XXX and I am looking to make an appointment. I have XXX insurance and am most available on XXX days. Please either e-mail me back or call me at XXX. Thank you."
Step 4: Deciding if it’s a fit
You’ll probably set up either a phone consultation or an in-person intake appointment. The therapist will probably ask you questions like why you are there and might ask you a little bit about your life. You should also be given an opportunity to ask them questions about their practice. If you have questions about the provider, it might help to write them down ahead of time. You might ask things like:
How do you structure your sessions? What will our work look like together?
How do you set up counseling goals? What are they like? What is success for you?
What is your general philosophy and approach to helping?
How much do you charge? What are your sliding-scale options?
You are allowed to shop around and meet with different people. The evidence shows that, more than anything else, the thing that determines the success of mental health treatment is the relationship between the therapist and the client. The therapist should make you feel comfortable sharing openly and you should feel seen. It can be frustrating if there isn’t an immediate connection, but keep trying. You deserve good care.
